When people used to ask me what I believed in growing up, I said I was an atheist. When people ask me what I believe in now, I say I’m Christianish.
When I requested this necklace from Kayla (find her @simplydarlingk on Etsy, thank you for the gorgeous gift bb!) my boyfriend said “Oh, you’re going to wear a cross?” like it was something big.
To be fair, it was.
I called myself a Christian (without the ish) for the first time last year, and it felt weird falling off my tongue, though it happened easily at the time. I’m sure I have a lot of old friends who are going to be very confused to read this — any of this — because of how I used to view religion as a whole.
It felt weird because to me, it feels like little about me has changed — I’m still me. I’m still not a big fan of religion, though I am a big fan of my church (shoutout to TGC Williamsburg for opening up my mind, my life and my heart). I’m a big fan of compassion, of contemplation and of community. I’m a big fan of grace and forgiveness and joy. And I’ve found all of those things in my journey with faith over the last year and a half or so.
I’m still not sure what I believe. I believe religion sets out models for how we can behave in a way that builds us into a kinder and more compassionate world. I believe religion — any religion — can and will be twisted to push people into horrible, violent actions. I believe in laughter and four year olds and trees and books.
I believe in purpose.
So I guess this is all a big way to say yes, I’m wearing a cross necklace, and no, it isn’t ironic.